Your face buried in the pillow
by Lexi'sDreamsAreGone
Summary: Some years after school. Santana is a junkie, a young adult without marks. Sex, drugs, alcohol, it's her life. May? A junkie and her bestfriend. Why this decline? Because of a blond with blue eyes...? Who know...


Hey guys ! It's a big day cause it's my first fanfiction. I'm a bit afraid because of what you'll think about it. And don't be so mean with me, I'm french and I'm not very very good in english. If you see some mistake, tell me !

This first chapter is something I wrote the last year. It wasn't like this, I have all rewrite for you (and translate T_T). And It'll be about Santitany/Brittana. I hope I won't change so much how they are in the tv show. The story take place some years after the tv show. I won't say too much things, you'll all know in the next chapters. It's the Santana POV but maybe it'll have some Britt' or others POV. It won't be all fluffy and cute (I think you can see this with the first chapter). The friend of Santana, May, is a character very very very important for me. I can't explain why but at the beginning, when I first wrote this story, it was all about May. I don't know what say... I'm afraid !

Oh and yes, I love to put lyrics from songs I love ! For this first chapter, it's Bring Me The Horizon - Chelsea Smile lyrics, but the song is a remix, by KC Blitz. I only put lyrics if they have something about the story.

The title? From Asking Alexandria - Not The American Average. Santana is buried in something she hate, but you'll see. Read the lyrics of the song if you want, I think it'll be a part of a chapter in the future.

It'll have some others characters from Glee, don't worry.

**I don't own Glee.**

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><p><strong>Chapter one : The Secret.<strong>

_"I've got a secret._  
><em>It's on the tip of my tongue,<em>  
><em>it's on the back of my lungs.<em>  
><em>And I'm gonna keep it.<em>  
><em>I know something you don't know."<em>

An air of Bring Me The Horizon remixed. I don't really know why I am here. It's not the kind of music that I love, but my friend May didn't let me the choice. Everybody jump and dance, in all directions.  
>A party that in full swing, the alcohol that flows freely and the various drugs and varied that are discretely exchanged and taken in the maze of poorly lit bathrooms.<br>And they smoke, and they take a fix of heroin, wide-eyed and wandering hands. The bodies collide on the track, the music pounding the brains, and people forget, no longer can distinguish the reality and the world created in their heads. I'm here, both spectator and actor in this show engendered by youth, caused by the fear of old age that overwhelms us.

It's just if I feel the effects of the drug, since it's become something normal, a way of life, an unreal constant world. Do you know this? When all the life is in slow motion, that the moving bodies are nothing more than shadows, and that you are yourself a kind of zombie, with red eyes and legs moving into an inexplicably way, while your mind is ready to be silent forever.

It's one thing in which one takes pleasure, and where we want to run away also, heaven and hell. And on the dance floor, this may be the signature of his death sentence. Or at least the death of our fame, of the low esteem that we have of ourselves.

How to remember the evening when everyone has forgotten what they were doing and who they fucked in the toilets? The next day, it's like a black hole in our memory. We don't know if it were the reality or just a dream. But I'm not yet at this stage there…

For the moment, I look at people, girls, boys, couples. I love the way girls move their body. However, I don't like especially girls. The boys no more, to tell the truth... As long as they satisfy me sexually, it'll be the only important thing... However, they have much more class, even passing for sluts than boys. And then... I think that because of a certain person, I'll always be more attached to girls. All I think is nonsense. I jump from one subject to another in an instant, even if it doesn't seem to be a big deal because tomorrow, maybe I won't remember anything...

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><p>Should I introduce myself to you, monsters who haunt my mind since she's gone? I am Santana, terrible victim of your tireless assaults, the horrible scar that infect this ugly and soulless world. I'm just a young adult like any other, a young debauchee hungry for sex and money, fun and glory. But it turns out that I have a secret that leads me to destroy me with trivial matters. That nobody in this world has never detected. It's something that gnaws at me, that seeps like a poison in my veins, that slash my arms and blur my vision.. It's steeped in my heart, and it can't escape, can't be detached from my bloody and putrid flesh. You want to understand what hurt me? Look at her. This memory recorded in my thoughts and whose the name is enough to make me tremble. Brittany.<p>

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><p>Okay guys, I know it's a bit short, but I didn't want to tell too much for the first chapter. Tell me what you think about and if you love.<p> 


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